Sacrifice
Being able to let go of oneself. Release that which is most precious in your life and make that separation with no regrets. Know that whatever you have chosen is for the right reason. Sacrifice your life or that seat on the bus. Is there a difference? Yes, in the consequence, but not the gesture.
I search for the story that best portrays this quality. What is real sacrifice?
This leads to one of the oddest spectacles in my neighbourhood. The sight of a six-year-old boy, with his mother nearby, ambling through the library and sitting at a table that is too high for him, using a chair that makes him look like Tom Thumb. I don’t go to the children’s area of the library, no I set out for the religious studies and ask a good Samaritan to reach the fifth shelf for me and retrieve an old book; The History of Saints.
That is the beginning of my formal education. For the first few years, both in Toronto and at the Vatican, I scour book after book to find the story of a true saint. I make notes, scribbles, unconnected thoughts that seem absurd to the passer-by, I’m sure, but are crystal clear to me.
In later years others find the stories for me, recounting them as I listen closely for just the right one. Some are retold passages of true historical figures while others recount tales of ordinary people lost to the pages of history. Others still are complete fabrications. I sort through all of them. My path, it seems, is lined with parchment.
It is early on in my education that I discover a story that fits into my qualifications for Step One. It is a chronicle that helps me move into the next phase.
As it turns out, this inspiration comes in the form of a young girl, dead for nearly two millennia.
In 303 AD, in the waning years of the empire, and toward the end of his reign, the Roman Emperor Diocletian grew fearful of the increasing importance and influence of the Jewish sect known as Christians. For three centuries the teachings and ideals of the crucified rabbi had evolved into a powerful political force, and he believed that it was causing the gradual decline of the Empire.
Doing what emperors did best, he set in motion a general persecution of the church and for two years Rome was in a state of terror. Anyone could be suspected of being part of the Christian cult. It only required a simple nod towards a stranger and his or her fate was sealed. No one was safe. Innocence did not exist.
Into this world stepped Agnes, a beautiful girl of thirteen who was born into a wealthy family; two elements which made her a worthy catch for any Roman boy of good stock.
Agnes had her share of perspective suitors in the city. Her father held daily conversations with the wealthiest and most handsome of men over how best to please the striking young girl. In that era, thirteen was the perfect age for any girl to accept suitors, but when it came to Agnes, all advances were rebuffed. Their pedigree mattered not.
At first people nodded in appreciation at the girl’s refusal to accept just anyone. They approved of her strong will. She had her choice of suitors and she should use this to her advantage.
This sentiment did not last long, though. After a growing list of refusals, resentment built. Some of these fine young men were incensed that Agnes had snubbed their proposals of marriage, essentially shaming them in front of their peers.
As a form of punishment, and a way of soothing their bruised ego, they brought her before the Roman Governor who, wanting to shore support from the very same nobles, was equally outraged. No one believed such a beautiful girl could be so contrary to a noble union. After all, her father declared her ready for marriage, who was she to go against his wishes?
Through pressing and prodding, a truer picture of what lay behind her hesitancy was revealed and, with that revelation, her fate was sealed. Agnes’ true calling was to Jesus, the only man she could ever love.
The thought of a beautiful girl not giving herself to a man, a Roman, was beyond comprehension. Something had to be done in order to break her from the spell of Christianity.
She was tempted with the promise of a luxurious and comfortable life, but Agnes held true. She didn’t need money. She was scolded and berated in public, but Agnes felt no shame. She was shown the instruments of torture that could be used on her, but Agnes showed no fear. She knew she was protected.
Sent to languish in a house of prostitution, Agnes kept her virtue. No one dared touch her for fear of the Christian stigma. Frustration piled on frustration for the men of Rome until they could bear no more indignities.
In the end Agnes was put to the sword, never wavering in her desire. She saved no lives nor performed any miracles. She anointed no heads. Agnes had her vision and was steadfast in her calling. It was as simple as that.
That is a good first step.
